Stop Removing the Student... Start Strengthening the Classroom.
How well-intentioned interventions can unintentionally reinforce challenging behaviors—and what educators can do differently.
By Dr. Abigail Rebeske, EdD, MSW | EmpowerED & Thriving
What Happens When We Keep Removing the Student?
Picture this.
A student becomes frustrated during class. Maybe they refuse to complete an assignment, begin arguing with the teacher, or disrupt the learning environment.
The teacher attempts to redirect the behavior, but the situation escalates.
Eventually, someone is called.
The principal, school counselor, social worker, or another support professional arrives and removes the student from the classroom.
The classroom settles. Instruction resumes. Crisis averted.
Or was it?
The student spends time with a supportive adult who listens, helps them regulate, and builds a positive connection.
Meanwhile, the teacher returns to teaching.
The next day, the student becomes frustrated again. Another disruption occurs. Another adult arrives. The student leaves.
And the cycle continues.
Here's what we sometimes overlook:
The student may be building a stronger relationship with the person who removes them from the classroom than with the teacher they spend most of their day with.
For some students, leaving the classroom may also become an unintended reward, especially when the behavior allows them to escape a difficult assignment, uncomfortable interaction, or overwhelming environment.
We may be unintentionally reinforcing the very behaviors we are trying to change.
So, what if we approached this differently?
What If We Supported the Teacher Instead?
When a student becomes dysregulated, safety must always come first.
But when circumstances allow, rather than automatically removing the student, consider having the support professional assist with the rest of the classroom.
The counselor, social worker, or administrator might supervise the other students or help relocate them to a predetermined safe space while the teacher remains with the student.
A second trained adult should remain available when needed to maintain safety and provide additional support.
Now, something important happens.
The teacher becomes the person who helps the student through the difficult moment.
The teacher listens, provides reassurance, establishes boundaries, and helps the student return to a regulated state.
The student begins experiencing something different:
My teacher can help me when I'm struggling.
I can have a difficult moment and still belong here.
My classroom can be a place where I feel supported.
There are expectations, but there is also compassion.
Over time, these interactions can strengthen the teacher-student relationship and help students develop confidence in their ability to navigate challenges within the classroom.
This does not mean students should never leave. Safety concerns, individualized plans, disability-related accommodations, and the need for a designated regulation space must always be respected.
The goal is not to keep students in classrooms at all costs. The goal is to stop making removal our automatic response when a more supportive intervention may be possible.
Nine Ways to Respond Rather Than React
Trauma-informed de-escalation is not about allowing inappropriate behavior. It is about creating the conditions for students to regulate, learn, and take responsibility.
1. Regulate Yourself First.
Before responding to a dysregulated student, recognize your own emotional state.
Students can be highly sensitive to an adult's tone, facial expressions, posture, and reactions.
Responding with frustration, embarrassment, or anger may intensify an already difficult situation.
Stay calm. Avoid taking the behavior personally.
Your regulation does not guarantee the student's regulation, but it can help create the conditions for de-escalation.
2. Ensure Safety.
Safety must always come first.
Assess the immediate environment, remove potential hazards when feasible, and reduce the audience surrounding the incident.
When appropriate, another staff member may supervise or relocate the other students while the teacher supports the student experiencing difficulty.
However, this should only occur when there is adequate supervision, a safe plan, and no immediate threat requiring a different response.
The goal is to reduce stimulation, protect everyone involved, and preserve the student's dignity.
3. Bring in a Second Set of Eyes.
Teachers should not be expected to manage every challenging situation alone.
A trusted administrator, counselor, social worker, or trained colleague can provide additional observation, support, and intervention when necessary.
This person is not automatically there to take over the relationship or remove the student.
Sometimes the most valuable support is helping the teacher remain available to the student.
4. Lead With Empathy and Respect.
Behavior is communication, but it is not always a clear explanation of what a student needs.
A student may be overwhelmed, embarrassed, frustrated, fearful, confused, or struggling with skills they have not yet developed.
Approach with curiosity rather than assumptions.
Use a calm voice, respectful body language, and nonjudgmental statements.
Acknowledge feelings without necessarily agreeing with the behavior.
The message should be clear:
I care about you. I am here to help. And our expectations still matter.
5. Set Clear Boundaries and Directions.
Trauma-informed practice does not eliminate boundaries.
During heightened stress, students may have difficulty accessing the attention, reasoning, and problem-solving skills necessary to process complex directions.
Keep instructions brief, concrete, and manageable.
Avoid lengthy lectures, arguments, threats, or public power struggles.
Students need to know what is expected, what support is available, and what happens next.
6. Allow Time and Space.
Not every moment requires immediate conversation.
Sometimes silence, physical space, a regulated adult presence, or a brief pause can help a student regain control.
Avoid demanding explanations or apologies while the student remains highly escalated.
The priority is to help the student return to a state in which they can meaningfully engage.
7. Rebuild Connection.
Once the student is ready, reconnect.
A brief, neutral conversation may be enough to begin repairing the interaction.
Then support the student in returning to instruction and completing appropriate academic expectations.
The goal is not simply to end the behavior.
The goal is to help the student successfully re-enter learning.
8. Process the Behavior Afterward.
This is where school counselors, social workers, and other support professionals become especially valuable.
Instead of making the removal itself the primary intervention, schedule a follow-up conversation when the student is regulated and available to reflect.
The teacher and support professional can collaborate to explore:
What happened before the escalation?
What was the student experiencing?
What skills or supports were missing?
What could the student try differently?
What could the adults or environment do differently?
How can the student repair harm and move forward?
The follow-up should occur at a developmentally appropriate time. It should not be withheld until all academic work is completed if the student needs timely mental health support, accommodations, or another essential service.
This is how we begin to understand the why behind behavior while also teaching the how of responding differently.
9. Follow Through With Consequences.
This may be one of the most misunderstood components of trauma-informed education.
Compassion and accountability are not opposites.
Students need predictable expectations and consistent, appropriate consequences.
Classroom expectations should be clearly taught, visible, developmentally appropriate, and understood by students.
When consequences are warranted, they should be proportionate, respectful, connected to the behavior when possible, and consistent with school policy and individualized student plans.
Positive reinforcement also matters. Students need opportunities to experience the benefits of meeting expectations, practicing new skills, and making responsible decisions.
Repeatedly announcing consequences without following through can undermine predictability and trust.
At the same time, consequences should never be used to punish disability-related needs, emotional distress, or a student's appropriate request for help.
Accountability is most effective when it teaches responsibility, supports repair, and creates opportunities for success.
Trauma-Informed Does Not Mean Consequence-Free
Somewhere along the way, trauma-informed practice has occasionally been misunderstood as avoiding consequences, lowering expectations, or allowing students to behave without accountability.
That is not trauma-informed education.
Understanding the reason behind a behavior does not mean accepting the behavior.
It means recognizing what may be contributing to the behavior while teaching the student the skills necessary to respond differently.
Students need relationships. They also need boundaries.
They need compassion. They also need accountability.
They need adults who understand their struggles while continuing to believe in their capacity to grow.
Our responsibility is not simply to stop challenging behavior. It is to help students develop the skills and confidence to navigate challenges successfully.
Be Who You Need on Your Worst Day
I often remind educators of a simple principle:
Be Who You Need on Your Worst Day.
Think about a time when you were overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, or struggling.
What did you need?
Someone who immediately judged you? Someone who assumed your worst moment defined who you were?
Or someone who remained calm, listened, respected your dignity, and helped you find a way forward?
Our students deserve that same compassion.
But they also deserve adults who hold them accountable, teach them new skills, and believe they are capable of achieving more.
The next time a student becomes dysregulated, consider asking a different question.
Instead of immediately asking, “Who can come get this student?”
Ask:
“How can we support this teacher and student in rebuilding their connection?”
Because sometimes the most meaningful intervention isn't removing the student from the classroom.
It's strengthening the relationships, skills, and supports that make the classroom a place where the student can succeed.
Dr. Abigail Rebeske, EdD, MSW, is the founder of EmpowerED & Thriving and creator of the Rooted & Resilient™ Framework, which helps schools move beyond reactive approaches toward sustainable, trauma-informed systems that support student success.
Learn more: empoweredandthriving.org
Comments