What Students Wish Educators Knew: Insights From My Daughter

As we prepare for a new school year, I wanted to share something powerful that came from a conversation with my 13-year-old daughter, Lucy. She has lived through difficult experiences, and her perspective reminds us that students often carry far more than what we see in the classroom. When I asked her what she wished educators knew about working with students who may have a trauma history, here’s what she said:

1. Give Space When Students Are Upset

“Please give us space when we’re upset.” Lucy explained that hovering or towering over a student only makes things worse. Instead, if you’re present, sit or kneel so you’re on the same level. It communicates respect and safety without overwhelming the student.

2. Avoid Saying “Calm Down”

Lucy was clear: “Don’t tell students to calm down—it makes them more upset.” This simple phrase can feel minimizing and invalidating, as if their feelings are wrong or too much. Instead, acknowledge what you see: “I can tell you’re upset. I’m here if you need me.”

3. Don’t Re-Trigger With Past Trauma

She wants educators to know that casually bringing up a student’s past trauma during class—or outside of a therapeutic space—can send them spiraling. “It gets in our heads and we can’t focus on work,” she said. Students need to stay forward-focused at school. If conversations about trauma are needed, they should happen in a safe, intentional space with a counselor or social worker.

4. Every Year Deserves a Fresh Start

One of the things Lucy feels strongest about is the idea of starting fresh. “Every student and every educator should get a new start at the beginning of the school year. Don’t bring past stress or labels forward.” This perspective calls educators to see each student as more than their file, their reputation, or their past behavior.

5. Collaborate With Parents, Don’t Put Students on the Spot

Finally, Lucy said that if teachers have questions or concerns, they should reach out to parents instead of putting a student on the spot in class. Collaboration fosters trust and ensures the student feels supported rather than exposed.

Moving Forward Together

Lucy’s words echo what trauma-informed education calls us to remember: students need safety, respect, and the chance to grow beyond their histories. A trauma-informed classroom doesn’t just react—it responds with empathy, awareness, and a forward-thinking mindset.

As educators, social workers, counselors and administrators, we have the opportunity to create that kind of space. And sometimes, the best wisdom comes straight from the voices of students themselves.

~Dr. Abi